We humans are so crazy sometimes. We go to a party, and of the 50 people there, 49 love and adore us, and one person gives us the cold shoulder.

So – do we focus on the abundance of love and good feelings from the majority? NO! We obsess about that one person, why they don’t like us, and what we’ve done wrong.

This is because rejection is one of the most “triggering” interactions for us. Just like when a romantic interest just wants to be friends, or we don’t get the job, it throws us into major self-doubt and even shame.

But here’s the thing we forget: what others think of us is HUGELY influenced by their own “material.”

What I mean is that we all see the world through our own lens. And that lens is based on our entire lives – the experiences we’ve had, the beliefs we hold, our own prior wounds, our perception of what is good or bad, etc.

In other words, no one can have an opinion of us that is empirical.

I was talking to a client yesterday about a man who had rejected her, which had plummeted her into believing she wasn’t desirable or lovable. And we began talking about this concept – how we assume the problem is “us.”

But I was adamant that this other person was evaluating her through his own particular lens. Hypothetically, what if he was intimidated by what a strong, alpha-woman she is and feels he needs someone more subservient or catering to him? What if he knew that she would require him to be emotionally available, and he’s extremely uncomfortable feeling his feelings. What if he reminds her of his mother (LOL)?

This doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t look at herself in terms of her interactions with him and see if there is any course-correction that would be valuable to her.

And while his opinion of her is formed by MANY beliefs, assumptions, and prior life experiences mixed together, I shared the above ideas just to illustrate how nowhere near as much is typically about “us” as we think.

So it’s time to stop imagining that it’s 100% ourselves and our shortcomings at fault when we face a rejection.

Remind yourself that a good portion of it is likely their “material,” and that the absolutely right opportunity is just around the corner for you.

Barb Wade

Barb is a Speaker, Author, and Coach, who has been on the leading edge of Transformational Coaching for over 15 years. Barb works with high-achievers who, despite external accomplishments, are finding themselves yearning for more freedom, joy, and meaning in their lives. Barb herself knows that “hole” of quiet desperation that can exist even though achievement is high.

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